That's what I tell you, and you, and you, and you.

And then and there I broke into a million pieces. Maybe one day I will put them back together. But now all I can do is to stare at the broken pieces,the hundreds of shiny splinters of me, as they looked up at me mockingly, mocking me of what I used to be, and what I never will be.

**********************************************

I am okay. Aren't I?

I don’t need you to laugh at this.

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night ’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

What?

You're a redneck, heartbreak

Who's really bad at lying

So watch me strike a match

On all my wasted time

As far as im concerned

You're just another picture to burn

feels bitter.

i tried so hard, but it still goes on.
I'm half the person i used to be anymore.

ITS FUCKING ABOUT YOU INNIT?

how clever you always twist things round in circles and make nothing your mistakes and everything mine

I dont want a conversation.

Dear Mr X,

I don't really know why you still come around to me and act as if i'm suppose to be your best fren again. I dont get it. I really dont. How do u expect me to be like normal? I dont want to. I'm sorry. You gave me enough heartbreaks to last me a lifetime. Please leave me alone. I dont want to know about your life, or anything to do with you.
JUST.FUCKING.LEAVE.ME.ALONE

i guess i am not satisfied with our conversation because i felt like we went in circles and i forgot some of the things i wanted to say along the way.

you know, i broke a lot of rules for you. i put aside my ego. i initiated. i called you first and let you see how im bothered. you dont even realize how much you affect me, i cant even fucking sleep because of you. last night i slept at 7am. what the fuck. and you dont even care. your parting words with me are i dont have anything to say to you?

you admit that you could sense something was up and you still didnt bother to ask me about it right? you drop the obligatory hi text and fine duty done. didnt you learn from before you went to ** that the problem was you didnt ask me. and still you didnt ask and nevermind because i called you first right. i am so insignificant to you, that you cant put aside your ego and just ask? maybe i have my reasons for not replying you normally.

perhaps its not my place to tell you or care who and how much you talk to someone. but even after i told you how i felt and we made up, you do it still. not change a thing and have the cheek to tell me that youve already texted me so i cant get mad? then now, you say i took it wrong and its not obligatory. of course i am not going to ask you to tone down your frequency with her. its not my place and i sure as hell dont want to make you obligated to do that as well. you fucking have enough obligations with me right?

well fine. if my issues mean squat to you and you feel you havent wronged me in any way. what about your darling girlfriend? have you ever considered her feelings? i know i would not like my boyfriend communicating with some other girl so much and then not even tell me about it. if it was so innocent then why didnt you just tell her? it is definitely not a nice feeling to find out from your best friend when it popped up in conversation. dont deny it because i know how much you contact her, im there.

my thoughts are all over the place with you. one moment i trust you with the world and the next i categorize you with all my disappointments. just know that ive never tried so hard nor did i ever shed a tear or lose sleep from my other disappointments. please dont feed me bullshit anymore.

oh sleeping pattern. please resume normal habits by monday. you have two more days to misbehave but it is really starting to take a toll on me and my work. when you are done fixing yourself, sleeping pattern, please advice eating habits to heal and be normal again.

maybe i'll be having lunch in the cubicle soon

You remember those kids? The one's everyone liked, the one's everyone hung out around, the one's who made things happen, the one's who practically had the world revolve around them? Yeah, those people who label you in or out. They can make your life heaven on earth or a living hell. In my time, I've known both ends of the spectrum and the freak end is the deep end of the popularity pool where you're struggling just to keep your head above the water and sharks are circling under your feet... the cool end is where everyone is playing beach volleyball and sipping pina coladas.

People who say its cool to be different never went to high school or at least forgot a big chunk of it.

I guess some times in life, you wished that you would have the chances of going back to that gap between then.. & maybe now. GLUM is the new feeling of the now. somehow it feels like you dont fit in anymore & its the whole highschool cycle all over and again.


I really don't know what do you want from me. i know i'm being knuckleheaded of not wanting to believe that the way you act is being normal. because i've seen normal and this is not IT. But you know what, if I spend all my life trying to conform to what everyone else thinks is "right" or "wrong", I'm gonna be pretty damn miserable.

So today I'm standing up for whatever I think and whatever I feel.

If you cannot accept that then maybe you're the one with the problem (:

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt. Because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

- maybe i'm trying too hard

No dancing birds or mice making wedding dresses, but happily ever after nonetheless.

if you're reading this, hope u'll have a lifetime supply of happiness and please bullshit no-more to the one you love most, P/s- u're a lucky bastard!

people people !

R E V I V A L ! ! only because im so damned happy :)))))))))

happy one year and ten months too baby ! i love how you remember before it happens and before me! a miracle right bitches? did you ever think this day would come? and its not even the first time. so its not a fluke. its safe to say he has recovered from forgetfulness disease.

i love you.

'Cause it's about to get rough for you

I dont have a plan. I like it just the way it is right now. But i know this won't last because i will soon face 'it' one day, which is pretty soon. Lots of things have been affecting me in ways it should'nt be; its the same old stuffs, which i should have gotten over and done with long ago, but it keeps coming back. But i suppose it takes stuff that is this overwhelming and this torrential for me to say, i’m out of here. i’m done with this. i’m done with this completely awful trade. It was the wake up call that i really needed.I didn’t realize these decisions were bad for me until it was too late....

But i wont let you hold me back anymore.

So i'm telling you this is it.

This. Is. It

i always feel like the ground seems sturdier when you tend to estimate your goals.

I thought i found myself, but had actually lost my way...

yo ! pay attention coz i aint playing.

i dont respect you. despite our age difference, i find your maturity level way below mine and my bitches. could you stop acting like youre in high school and stop wasting away the last moments of your twenties? freaking grow some balls and man up to your mistakes. stop messing around and getting into people's heads. stop making decent people care for you. stop being shitty. obviously people are right to say age means nothing. because a decade means nothing and i dont respect you.

you had better quit it and stop lying. maybe some people care too much about you and are too nice to burst your little fucked up bubble. but i certainly am not. im giving you a time limit to take care of this shit by yourself. or else, i will.

peace. it was so nice to meet you and put a face to all the horrendous stories.

finding your way to the missing jigsaw?

so i've heard. you came to kl for a custom made doormat
it's not as if you havent left one at perth before
& you still think you would get the same one by gng up north?


THINK AGAIN.

Heard that you're coming, be careful because I'm watching.

Yea you!

(Fist) no pressure :)

Behind Closed Doors, I Could Be Whoever I Wanna Be

Trying to be brave and strong when you're feeling anything but is more difficult than anybody knows until they try it.

It is telling yourself not to cry over and over while you sob uncontrollably. It is walking fast and keeping constantly on the move so you don't think, but the breakdown you are running from is always right behind you, so close no matter how fast you run. It is hugging yourself tightly in the shower as you pretend that the water running down your face is not salty.

It is being so tired of fighting that you escape into oblivion. It is wanting and not having. It is the headache you get from crying too hard. It is smiling with the smile of a portrait and hoping nobody sees you shattering into pieces.


It is what you do because you have to.

So far

Enjoying home sweet home with the people i love most. Just chilling and not worrying abt anything. I am enjoying life so far. I appreciate every little moment back here bcuz i know moments like this wont last forever. I'm greatful and utterly thankful to be back home.

Everything is over and done. well almost.

I hope i'll be better off somehow, someday.