Walking down memory lane was fun. It brings back everything that made you who you are today. Be it stupid, funny, happy or ugly at least i did something useful today.
put down the picture and maybe get some sleep tonight:)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Much Too Much
"There's something to be said about a glass half full, about knowing when to say when. I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need. Of desire. It's entirely up to the individual, and it depends what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless... all we want is more." - Meredith Grey
Stay on top
Sometimes, you didnt choose to be the other person. You hate the fact that you've tangled yourself to be that other person. You swore you never want to repeat the same mistakes again. But losing isnt what you want either. So whats next in line for you?
Word is...
Just something I randomly stumbled upon. Because i don't like the way people think its their goddamn right to be all self righteous without thinking right... but I like the author, the way she writes.
"Just as you rush out of the some doors everyday, we rush into other things. It’s thrilling to run on adrenaline, living on the edge. Be careful, you might just topple off. Life feels like a quick game of Cranium, and you desperately roll the dice in hope of a purple. Choice – isn’t that what everyone craves? You want to choose – but are you? You stumble over your own feet trying to pick – but who’s picking? Feels like a plate of sushi just travelling along the conveyer belt, waiting for Fate to take its pick. Will it be your turn?"
"Where do you find your mojo? Where, do you find that little piece of sky that’s yours? Where, do you find what’s worth fighting for?
When, all you can do is to eye your disastrously cluttered table, and marvel at your self-delusion? When a halfhearted scowl at the pet fish is all you can muster? When you’re hoping for brighter skies. When you’re fading into oblivion. When delirium sneaks into your thoughts. When all you want is to curl up on the sofa and sink into the cushions. When all you hear is silence.
Where do you find your mojo?"
"I don’t really know how, so tell me please. How do you stop being someone’s friend? Do you search out every single piece of evidence attesting to his existence and burn it, and hopefully you’ll forget about him? Do you pretend he’s invisible and pretend it’s a gust of wind when you walk by? Do I end it with a letter? Or do I just lapse into the you-are-non-existent phase of my life? Do I proclaim to the world that you don’t have a place in my heart anymore? Tell me please, how to, because I really don’t know how."
"On some days, you feel like hiding under the table and go missing for a day or so, let people panic, trying to find you, just so you know that you matter to them. But there’s a difference between thinking about it and doing it. I hid under the table for a good hour, but no one realized I was missing. I didn’t expect it to work anyway, but secretly a tiny part of me wanted someone to call me to ask if I’m okay. Perhaps that’s why I took my handphone with me to the Land Under the Table.
For a moment, I was afraid I’d topple over the edge"
"I think God ran out of things to do with my life, so He's recycling the stories. Maybe that's why everything is the same; everyday fades into a copy of a copy of a copy. There’s a drowsy familiarity, like going round in goldfish circles. But hold on. Something’s lurking within these waters, and a precarious balance just waiting to be tipped before disaster falls. Can’t place my finger on it, but it certainly feels like a goldfish swimming in a blender – all you’ve got to do is to press the button and I’ll be seeing you in goldfish heaven."
No one knows where she’s going
She’s sitting in the corner of the room, with knees drawn close to herself and arms wrapped around them in defense, like a caterpillar in metamorphosis. Frail, she looks like she could be whisked away by the wind or coaxed away by the bluster of the morning gale. She can’t remember anymore, eyes searching for an inkling of what went down.
It’s good luck if it’s the first word you say on the first day of the month. she’ll be saying it, just for good measure. December comes the month, she's got a feeling she’ll be needing it. she's starting off with lights in the wee hours of the morning and droopy eyes in lessons, and her spunk has gone down a few notches. It hasn’t been the best weeks back, and she's been feeling boring for days in a row now. It scares her a little, and she want her schnazz back.
No one knows where she’s going. But I know she’s going mad.
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
I've decided that every time you fall should be like the first time. No fear, no inhibitions, no catching yourself.
Just innocent trust and the untainted, unwavering belief that I will be caught.
Because some things aren't worth learning.
she deserves the best as much as anyone else does.
YOU (yes you!) treat her like a doormat, comes and go as you wishes. is there a point you're actually trying to proove? it's bad enough the dramas she's been through and quite frankly she's already the dramaqueen champion. why do you have to make this a little more harder, to make her already shredded heart a little more frail?
honestly, the times you cared for here were great. but haven't you thought that it's a beat too late? the song has ended. only then you tried adding the lyrics. this is more than just song and lyrics.
OF COURSE things has crumbled into a heap. playing with fire only got you so far.
have you noticed the days you left her feeling so invisible?
think again.
guess not?
"Just as you rush out of the some doors everyday, we rush into other things. It’s thrilling to run on adrenaline, living on the edge. Be careful, you might just topple off. Life feels like a quick game of Cranium, and you desperately roll the dice in hope of a purple. Choice – isn’t that what everyone craves? You want to choose – but are you? You stumble over your own feet trying to pick – but who’s picking? Feels like a plate of sushi just travelling along the conveyer belt, waiting for Fate to take its pick. Will it be your turn?"
"Where do you find your mojo? Where, do you find that little piece of sky that’s yours? Where, do you find what’s worth fighting for?
When, all you can do is to eye your disastrously cluttered table, and marvel at your self-delusion? When a halfhearted scowl at the pet fish is all you can muster? When you’re hoping for brighter skies. When you’re fading into oblivion. When delirium sneaks into your thoughts. When all you want is to curl up on the sofa and sink into the cushions. When all you hear is silence.
Where do you find your mojo?"
"I don’t really know how, so tell me please. How do you stop being someone’s friend? Do you search out every single piece of evidence attesting to his existence and burn it, and hopefully you’ll forget about him? Do you pretend he’s invisible and pretend it’s a gust of wind when you walk by? Do I end it with a letter? Or do I just lapse into the you-are-non-existent phase of my life? Do I proclaim to the world that you don’t have a place in my heart anymore? Tell me please, how to, because I really don’t know how."
(ok la this part i just liked the sound of it. she's still your friend. just that things wouldn't stay the same as they were. its like that tainted glass. it will never turn back to the way it is. you're still friends. just different. distance?)
"On some days, you feel like hiding under the table and go missing for a day or so, let people panic, trying to find you, just so you know that you matter to them. But there’s a difference between thinking about it and doing it. I hid under the table for a good hour, but no one realized I was missing. I didn’t expect it to work anyway, but secretly a tiny part of me wanted someone to call me to ask if I’m okay. Perhaps that’s why I took my handphone with me to the Land Under the Table.
For a moment, I was afraid I’d topple over the edge"
"I think God ran out of things to do with my life, so He's recycling the stories. Maybe that's why everything is the same; everyday fades into a copy of a copy of a copy. There’s a drowsy familiarity, like going round in goldfish circles. But hold on. Something’s lurking within these waters, and a precarious balance just waiting to be tipped before disaster falls. Can’t place my finger on it, but it certainly feels like a goldfish swimming in a blender – all you’ve got to do is to press the button and I’ll be seeing you in goldfish heaven."
No one knows where she’s going
She’s sitting in the corner of the room, with knees drawn close to herself and arms wrapped around them in defense, like a caterpillar in metamorphosis. Frail, she looks like she could be whisked away by the wind or coaxed away by the bluster of the morning gale. She can’t remember anymore, eyes searching for an inkling of what went down.
It’s good luck if it’s the first word you say on the first day of the month. she’ll be saying it, just for good measure. December comes the month, she's got a feeling she’ll be needing it. she's starting off with lights in the wee hours of the morning and droopy eyes in lessons, and her spunk has gone down a few notches. It hasn’t been the best weeks back, and she's been feeling boring for days in a row now. It scares her a little, and she want her schnazz back.
No one knows where she’s going. But I know she’s going mad.
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
I've decided that every time you fall should be like the first time. No fear, no inhibitions, no catching yourself.
Just innocent trust and the untainted, unwavering belief that I will be caught.
Because some things aren't worth learning.
she deserves the best as much as anyone else does.
YOU (yes you!) treat her like a doormat, comes and go as you wishes. is there a point you're actually trying to proove? it's bad enough the dramas she's been through and quite frankly she's already the dramaqueen champion. why do you have to make this a little more harder, to make her already shredded heart a little more frail?
honestly, the times you cared for here were great. but haven't you thought that it's a beat too late? the song has ended. only then you tried adding the lyrics. this is more than just song and lyrics.
OF COURSE things has crumbled into a heap. playing with fire only got you so far.
have you noticed the days you left her feeling so invisible?
think again.
guess not?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Time that never tells
People keep asking what do i want. what. do. i. want?
Honestly, really, i dont. know. what. i. want.
I've been trying to figure it out. trying to learn. trying to forget. trying to let go. trying to recover myself from that deep deep hole that i've buried myself into months back. but it all keeps coming back to me.
Honestly, really, i dont. know. what. i. want.
I've been trying to figure it out. trying to learn. trying to forget. trying to let go. trying to recover myself from that deep deep hole that i've buried myself into months back. but it all keeps coming back to me.
"See, quite some time back, I learnt that our past is never gone, that our roots are never rid. No matter how hard you try to uproot yourselves, by doing so you only destroy your being.
Sometimes there are some things in the past that we just want to bury and have it sink to oblivion, in hopes that one day we can walk far enough to leave this memory behind.
But it always surfaces, and the past will never release it's hold on you, neither will our heritage.
Simply because it is a part of who we are, of how we come about, of our innate essence... And you can never run away from yourself for too long, it's only a matter of time before your shadow catches up "
Sometimes there are some things in the past that we just want to bury and have it sink to oblivion, in hopes that one day we can walk far enough to leave this memory behind.
But it always surfaces, and the past will never release it's hold on you, neither will our heritage.
Simply because it is a part of who we are, of how we come about, of our innate essence... And you can never run away from yourself for too long, it's only a matter of time before your shadow catches up "
Maybe i'm crazy, maybe i'm insanely crazy.
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