Taking over me.

i see lots of updates here. truth to be told, i'm not an updater cos there's nothing much to me as there was before? drama is way better than no drama. ainessa must be having too much time alone to think & let the mind wander, i'll call to check on you.

anyhoo, i'm currently having loads of selfcontrol to refrain myself from stalking fb, greeny is history. remaining just an eyecandy. well, i couldn't really backtrack to the time that he's been promoted beyond that. is that infatuation? or just plain silly highschoolgirlcrush routines? a replacement for that hole that used to be. & i guess i'm one of those lost souls because i lied to you. i pretend to be indifferent and drown myself in that instant adrenaline that greeny gives and i wasn't. the truth is, i was afraid of the immensity of what i feel for you and i thought... i just wanted you to know... you asked me if i missed talking and sharing with you. of course i miss you. it's all i do.

Don't ask me what i'm talking bout. right now i'm feeling kinda fuzzy 'round the edges. so Hello. Goodbye.

Haley: You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is actually really healing and beautiful... sort of poetic? It's not. It's just garbage and it's pain. You know what's better? Love. The day you start thinking love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only think wrong with love, and faith, and belief is not having it.

Lucas: I don't hate you. I remember the first time I ever saw you; all skinny arms and tangled messy hair. It was hard letting you go, Peyton. It was hard losing you, and it was hard seeing you again. It's still really hard.
Peyton: I know. While I'm asleep I have this dream where we're back in that hotel room in L.A. and you propose to me. And every single time I say yes.
Lucas: It's just a dream, right?
Peyton: It's my dream.

Ah, we all have that dream don't we? Bad dreams of good things. The one where we go back to the past, to that one mistake, to that one moment... and live it differently. And it may be impossible, it may be too late, and it may all just be a dream... but it's my dream.

You have to ask, why do I dream?
The answer is simple: Because it's all that I can do... Because, like this line i heard once, "How can you master your fate and captain your soul when you can't even control your own heart?"

My heart caught in my throat and i couldn't help but stare. i tried to lok away i swear... but for a full 5 minutes. i could do nothing but look