live life.

do you want to be my morning glory

how do i know that i am not living a lie

am i a hypocrite

can you walk away

where can i get more strength

is there such a thing as getting bored 

do i accomplish what i set my mind to

will i be forgiven

is everything going to change

am i a good person

shall we just dance the night away

what makes you mad

do you believe in fairy tale endings

can i be successful

is there really a forever

does it all even matter

when will i devote myself to something meaningful

do i even know you or myself or anything at all

how should i behave

are these the true rainbows

what will become of me

does love really exist

will i regret my life and the choices that i made

there are no question marks because i dont expect answers. or at least i dont expect them any time soon.

only time will tell.

do you believe in;

eyelashes?

pennies head up?

shooting stars?

or the bigger half of the wish bone?

as for me, i believe in

you and me.

Tarnesha

suddenly out of the blue, i sorta remeber this girl name Tarnesha(keiron's fren) whom we used to joke about because of her upper region?

i misss saying her name

TARRRRRRRRR-NEEEE-SHA

*okkkk i fucking pray that she doesnt read this blog??

Love you

It's not everyday
That I meet a person quite like you
Perfect every way
I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Set aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
its you that i want

susan boyle FTWWW

 ( eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee) *look at my pearly whites*
is this light blue??

now to more seriousness of the cases. i totally no doubt 100000000% freakingly salute susan boyle!!

she is my new idol man. the video of her in britain's got talent.. wah.. wat can i say. every1 laughed at her. and then BAM!! the voice of a goddess. and she is so humble. she shud look at the other contestant and say suck that bitches!! respect

random conversations.

hello people. :) as promised to mr pj, im blogging about it. yes yes indeed, you must be more careful about what you say. HAHAHA. 

before this there was also another funny bit that i didnt copy unfortunately. let me just fil you people in. pj was kutuking me saying that i use my sex appeal to get extra chops for a free drink at gloria jeans. I USE MY LOYALTY LA THANKS. then after that, he said he will strip for them to get a free drink. so then i reported to miss emkay lew. :P hee hee.

here is another part. basically this is the overview. we were both talking about how we have not spoken to nick leng in a while. so that is the 'he' that pj was referring to in the first sentence. and my first reply was directed to pj's first statement. 

Pee~Jay~ says: (10:27:29 PM)

he not replying me oso

~Pee~Jay~ says: (10:27:36 PM)

wheres fuad

ness; says: (10:27:39 PM)

: ( pooppie

ness; says: (10:27:46 PM)

hes not online

~Pee~Jay~ says: (10:27:48 PM)

HAHAHAH

~Pee~Jay~ says: (10:27:53 PM)

cheh

~Pee~Jay~ says: (10:27:59 PM)

i tot he really buang-ing

ness; says: (10:28:09 PM)

HAHAHAHHA omg

ness; says: (10:28:13 PM)

damn funny

this may all be useless information now, but at the time, i was laughing so hard. hahaha. 

can i rewind and pause? 

dot dot dot

why the hell must these things happen. things that become mood killer. isn't it funny how things would dramatically change from being fun to totally boring. you know how it feels like rite people. exited about something den before it actually happens. the feeling is gone. just feel like not doin anything. blardy hell. go die.

ss session (not)

carm: lets tell everyone its at 11.30 so we can have lunch by 12. 

yeah ppl showed up at 1.30! but no worries, pj and i had gloria jeans at 50% off and i got extra chops. hee hee yay! 

fuad: i think im a bad jinx, everytime i show up, ss gets canceled but when i dont show up, ss is on. 

dont worry. your ss time will come one day maybe someday soon. 

so despite the lack of ss, we all had a good time catching up and being bitchy :) 

SOREE AH!!!

SOREE ah MK its notm like my FAULT u cant have SS sessions right......

NOW STICK UR ASS IN AUSTRALIA WHEN WE CAN HAVE SS SESSIONS TOGETHER!!!!

WAKAKKA>A....

AnD bitch you....i bet i'll have alot of calls in a moment because i'm like too WANTED thxxxx

~keiron signing off~

This is Us

I FARKING HATE YOU GUYS FOR HAVING SS SESSIONS WITHOUT ME LAAA!!!! BABIIIIS!!!
ISHHH

neways * in a very NOT SATISFIED tone*, have fun u guys! I really miss having ss sessions with u guys..

love love

AND KEIRON THIS IS FOR YOU

U KNOW U LOVE ME

LING, REMEMBER THIS?

SS session =)

emkaylew, i bet you'll want to fly over to us this saturday. lol.

kiss me kiss me

Taking over me.

i see lots of updates here. truth to be told, i'm not an updater cos there's nothing much to me as there was before? drama is way better than no drama. ainessa must be having too much time alone to think & let the mind wander, i'll call to check on you.

anyhoo, i'm currently having loads of selfcontrol to refrain myself from stalking fb, greeny is history. remaining just an eyecandy. well, i couldn't really backtrack to the time that he's been promoted beyond that. is that infatuation? or just plain silly highschoolgirlcrush routines? a replacement for that hole that used to be. & i guess i'm one of those lost souls because i lied to you. i pretend to be indifferent and drown myself in that instant adrenaline that greeny gives and i wasn't. the truth is, i was afraid of the immensity of what i feel for you and i thought... i just wanted you to know... you asked me if i missed talking and sharing with you. of course i miss you. it's all i do.

Don't ask me what i'm talking bout. right now i'm feeling kinda fuzzy 'round the edges. so Hello. Goodbye.

Haley: You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is actually really healing and beautiful... sort of poetic? It's not. It's just garbage and it's pain. You know what's better? Love. The day you start thinking love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only think wrong with love, and faith, and belief is not having it.

Lucas: I don't hate you. I remember the first time I ever saw you; all skinny arms and tangled messy hair. It was hard letting you go, Peyton. It was hard losing you, and it was hard seeing you again. It's still really hard.
Peyton: I know. While I'm asleep I have this dream where we're back in that hotel room in L.A. and you propose to me. And every single time I say yes.
Lucas: It's just a dream, right?
Peyton: It's my dream.

Ah, we all have that dream don't we? Bad dreams of good things. The one where we go back to the past, to that one mistake, to that one moment... and live it differently. And it may be impossible, it may be too late, and it may all just be a dream... but it's my dream.

You have to ask, why do I dream?
The answer is simple: Because it's all that I can do... Because, like this line i heard once, "How can you master your fate and captain your soul when you can't even control your own heart?"

My heart caught in my throat and i couldn't help but stare. i tried to lok away i swear... but for a full 5 minutes. i could do nothing but look

hey people. just a few pics and videos that i took from the david archuleta showcase. quality not good tho coz using my phone to take only. theres this malay singer that sang there and the songs quite nice i want to know who the singer is. uhm. he is the winner or sumting from one in a million and he is 19 yrs old. haha.

overall the thing quite waste of time la. i thought the sunway lagoon amphitheater was nearby sp so i park at sp and tried walking but din noe have to take some free shuttle bus there. by the time i know about the shuttle bus oso too alte d so have to take cab. and the stupid cab miss the elephant walk entrance thingy. had to walk like 10 mins under the rain. reach there so bloody pack had to sit at illegal place. =P 

worst of all. he came out only like 30 mins sang a few songs den habis d.. den den finish d want to walk to take shuttle bus so many ppl. no choice have to walk half an hour under the rain. by the time reach sp, like just bath finish ne whole shirt and hair wet. socks wet shoe wet. everywhere oso wet. 

this is ainessa

i have not spoken to you now for 

what is about four hours.

 i just looked at the time and 

i thought the clock was lying to me. 

four hours plus a bit, is that it?

 you must be freaking kidding me. i swear.

 those four hours must have been one of the 

most stretched out four hours in my history. 

i am feeling dramatic and emotional today, so if you dont like it, screw away. 

i think i called you about two hours ago, you actually picked up. and you said hello in the most awake voice. seriously. then suddenly you started mumbling in your sleepy voice. and i was all dont lie you were so awake two seconds ago. but you kept mumbling some incoherent nonsense to me. it sounded cute though. so i decided to leave you be. continue on sleeping.

but i wonder, were you really? i mean i seriously did hear a very awake hello. silly me. and i have all these questions. are you still sleeping now? if you are, then what are you dreaming?if not, then what are you really doing? are you just tired of me? am i being too clingy? too desperate? 

i most probably am. but i honestly dont know how i came to be this person. this person who wonders where you are, how youre doing, what youre up to and if i have been on your mind as well. 

i was the ice queen, the champion of being cold - hearted or bitch. whichever. 

i used to not care. i used to at least pretend not to care even if i did care somewhere deep down. it makes sense now that i was always accused of not caring or at least not showing it. i used to be so puzzled but i get it now. heck, i even pretended my phone got confiscated so i didnt have to talk to my boyfriend. i insisted on not going to prom with my boyfriend and just meeting him there. i made a list of reasons as to why i thought that was best. obviously, i was a master bullshitter. except, i was so good a bullshitter, i didnt even know it was bullshit at the time. i would like to also add that during all these events, it was one of the rare occasions where we werent even fighting. it was no wonder he cheated on me isnt it, its not as if i was some angel. 

my point is, i am now just filled with thoughts of you. (you have just texted me) anyway, im not used to all this but i think im getting the hang of it. this is so unlike the ainessa i was. i make a big deal about not talking to you and about the whole prom thing, because i guess im afraid. im afraid that you might resemble the old ainessa. the one who might pretend to be asleep or the one who convinces herself to not have a prom date. 

you make me different. you make those things i feel weaken me. i may say i hate you for it. but somehow deep down i know i love you,  i do. i dont even have to look that deep down to know that, its somewhere near the surface. 

im going to try to stop being paranoid and stop worrying about acting out of character when it comes to you. who wants to be a cold bitch anyway? you make me worry, you make me care. so i think im only going to be  scared when i stop caring, worrying, thinking and breathing you.

maybe this is the real ainessa? 

rose tinted glasses.

days pass. months go by. anniversaries. birthdays. everything comes and goes.

then it will be my turn. im gonna leave. i will be gone and alone. 

i need to stop deluding myself to believing that its a long time away. i need to grow up and learn to fend for myself. im not a kid anymore. when am i gonna have those life skills i keep raving about? i better get them soon. 

i like my rose tinted glasses. they make me happy. i get to live life blissfully unaware. i think i dropped them and they broke. i guess its time to live in reality. i wonder if anyone can fix my glasses. 

feelings feelings feelings feelings feelings feelings feelings feelings

i think that thinking is overrated.

i think that situations suck.

i think that things are how they are.

i think that nothing is ever perfect.

i want pretty things. i want to be shallow. i want my silly desires to be indulged. 

i dont want negativity.

i need to change. 

i dont mean to be silly, so dont take this seriously.

should i have company?

This is for carmen =)

I realised the dumbness of everything. pathetic.

Raindrops lead to rainbow.
but where the hell is the rainbow?

i need my weather doll.
i need a weather doll.
i need weather.

sorry but you're not it. yet.

its me

When you plan to kill someone, nothing is easier than just being polite.

When you plan to express yourself, do it. You'll end up with nothing but - satisfaction <3

So im shutting my sweet nice damn mouth. love me and hate me. kiss my ass.

testing melbourne

so my week in melbourne apartment hunting. very difficult i must say. a real competitive market and because of the area, the depression doesnt really affect the prices. so yeah. hopefully ill get something suitable. 

on another note. i really like the city. as the most blur person when it comes to directions and shit, i actually know how to get to places without getting lost. and ive only been here one week. its real easy and they have a really good public transport system. and the thing abt all these other major cities, its all so well planned out, all in a grid and stuff, like new york. no way kl would ever be like that. they dont have the foresight or the smarts to actually think up something so detailed and clever.

anyhoo, im losing my point! haha. point is, i like it and i may just survive!:P

one downer though, its not even winter and i wouldve freezed my balls off if i had any. serious seriously. in just one week, ive experienced from really hot, to really wet, to really cold. how will one know what to wear in the morning? crazy. 

another thing that i see everywhere is couples. being happy. being together. being free. just reminding me every second that i wont be like them very soon. ive had a little taste of what it might be like here and there are the cons. i know i have to try and believe. and i will and i do. but i just so many reservations about things. i dont why. and i know that if i had things they way i wanted, it wouldnt be how i wanted at all. so is it just a lose lose situation? sometimes i feel so optimistic about things, full of hope and happiness. but most of the other times, i try to stop being so naive and young and stupid and childish. i contradict myself a billion times in my own thoughts. whatever screw this. i cant do anything. just go with the flow? 

in a few blinks, its all over. why do we bother?

THXXX!!!!

EH THXXX>..>>.

but too bad la i dint get to win Mr NOtts HAHA>..

SORREHHH

~keiron signing off~

even angels fall

The sooner you let two hearts beat together
The sooner you know this love is forever

dn ǝɯ ןןnd oʇ noʎ pǝǝu ı puɐ uʍop ǝpısdn ƃuıǝq sı pןɹoʍ ʎɯ 'ƃuıʇɐɔoɟɟns ɯı

did this on my softboard when i was bored.

I know u want it!

BETTER THAN A.C RIGHT?????? THANKSSSS